Therapy for Depression and Anxiety
If you are suffering from depression or anxiety you want to know how to relieve the symptoms of fatigue, sadness, hopelessness or the feelings of panic, fear and insecurity. Often people will say go to a therapist so what is the most affective therapy?
Well my first venture into therapy was lying on a couch, staring up at the ceiling and babbling. My entertainment was listening to the therapist’s pen scratching on the paper.
That was it, my voice and the scratching of a pen. I started figuring out what to say just to create sound in the room because she never said a word! I imagined that some things I said were very interesting because she would scratch furiously, others times not so much. When I finally said I thought it would be good idea if she actually spoke to me, I got back the proverbial, “And what would it do for you if I spoke to you?”
I did that until I asked myself, “Why I am doing this?” This taught me what not to do. Don’t let a person amble around in their brain too long, and don’t answer a question with a question (Freud must be turning over in his grave). I think it gets you nowhere fast. What gets you somewhere?
Feelings – You made me angry!
Ever say that to anyone? Go on, fess up. You have said it sometime somewhere. What if it didn’t really happen that way? What if there was a moment when you chose to be angry? I am not suggesting that people don’t do things that are awful. They certainly do. But what if you could tell when a strong emotion was coming and you could decide whether to be in the grip of it and for how long. We often think of emotions as just happening as if we’re being swept away by them but that isn’t true. Before the wave hits, there is a moment when you can see it clearly and you can make a call about how you are going to respond to it. It’s called taking responsibility for yourself. But I mean the ultimate responsibility.
When you do have the feelings, you don’t fight it, you let the feeling go through you and wait; you make no decisions; you just feel and breathe! Too many times we make a decision and take an action when we are scared or upset and we regret it. Have the feeling; take no action. It’s a river flowing through you. Wait till you get to the other side.
Does that mean you never feel angry or scared? No, it means that you have the feeling and when it stops you can make decisions. If you practice it long enough, the feelings can be very strong and then it’s over.
People talk about living in the present but the examples are usually about enjoying what is going on. People are walking through fields telling you to notice how your foot hits the ground. When you really are in the present moment you can also be having a difficult time. When I am late for work running to the subway in rush hour that is my “present” and you know what? I have to deal with it. And I deal with it by noticing it and allowing it without acting on it. I don’t start pushing or getting evil. Does that mean I’m having a feeling, a feeling on a subway? Yes I do and I can let it go. But first I notice what I am feeling and I trained myself how to track it and really experience it. I just covered anger. Happiness, joy and love hit me in full technicolor!
By pushing down your feelings you can make it worse. It can lead to depression, anxiety, ulcers, you name it. This way you know what you are feeling, you feel it, it’s been felt and when you know that, you can breathe again you think. I am not saying you walk around like an automaton. You don’t have to wait until you have no feelings and you are neutral. You wait until you can think again. You still have feelings but the feelings aren’t deciding what you do next with your life and relationships.