Where fore art thou love?
It’s that time when people think of romance. I was on the bus yesterday and a woman said Valentine’s Day is coming up we women better stick together and I thought that was sad. I speak to many men and women who have a hard time finding a relationship. It doesn’t matter if their a man or a women the mistake is always the same. I will give you a hint the answer is is in the title. If you are a Shakespeare expert or have an available OED look up what Romeo where fore art thou Romeo actually means.
Like many men and women that come to me they ask where is he/she. Why haven’t I found them yet? Juliet is not asking where is Romeo. She is asking something else! The problem that most people have is their focus is inward. “What do they think of me?” “Am I good looking enough?” “Did I say the right thing?” And what does your date see and possibly feel? They are looking at someone who looks disinterested! While they are hoping to connect to you they see a worried distracted person not really listening to them or even actually being on the date.
Or do you do the opposite are you scowling at them trying to prove to yourself this is just another loser? “Go ahead just try to make me like you.” “You’re not good enough for me.” Well frankly, anyone with a reasonable sense of self will not find that interesting or attractive. The people with a healthy self-esteem will walk away. This kind of animosity creates an energy that is hard to be around. You don’t want someone to care about you in spite of yourself.
Would you want to go out with you again?
So what to do? Put your focus outward. Be curious ask them about themselves. And one piece of advice is find the person right. Purposefully look for things about that person that you enjoy. That doesn’t mean you have to marry them. Just appreciate them. Now you may find your “appreciation quota” isn’t high enough for a second date. But at least you didn’t sit back criticizing them or yourself. What Juliet was asking on the balcony was why are you Romeo what makes you YOU it is a much more complex question than hey where are you!