Is it soup yet? How to deal with your anger
Anger is not what you think it is Don’t repress it, get rid of it or throw yourself in it just notice the energy not the reason you feel angry but the actual energy and what it creates in your body. I am talking about the adrenaline rush that makes you see red! Become aware that the energy is lessening your intelligence and scope of view. Then remember that you can think even when you are upset. You have shut yourself down with the strength of the energy without noticing it . Because let’s face it if you’re not in charge of your life who is? You are about to learn how to look at your mind and do a little mind control
How can you change aggression into wisdom and compassion? You need to stay in the aggression to understand the contrast to when your mind is at peace. The power of the energy can feel good, strong and it can consume time. Indignation is a yell of I am right and I know it. Then you get to explode. The energy is highly seductive and it feels empowering. It is also a reaction to what others are throwing at us and we respond in a way that may be automatic. And we provoke ourselves by our thoughts. We can work our way into frenzy by simply walking to the subway because our mind is concentrating on an angry moment and it takes over our entire awareness.
At that moment you want to express it to get rid of it. But do you make the best choices when you are in this state? It is a reactive state and it makes your focus narrow. You don’t look at why it happened and what consequences there are you just blow up. Now I am not saying never get angry but I am suggesting there are times when it isn’t actually justified as you believe it is when you limit your intelligence your emotions will override your best thinking. You do not have a panoramic view of the situation. It is only a filtered view.
If you fume and hammer the other person will understand right? How powerful does that sound? It can be very addictive to live and interact in this state. Ever meet someone constantly looking for revenge and creating ridiculous gossip and plots? That is aggression taking over.
Don’t automatically move to get rid of it. Recognize it first feel the energy coursing through you, the adrenaline rush. You need to become aware that it is happening to you observe it. You can set the pause button, breath and simmer in the energy. Don’t reject the energy. It is not a problem. Acknowledge that you are shutting down your intelligence and you need to understand and seek out what you are missing. You need to expand your understanding of the problem and let go of being right. The energy is confusing you. You believe that because you are angry you don’t need to understand any other view point.
Breathe go back to zero let it simmer it is your energy when you are angry check to see if you are still listening can you give up needing to be right? You do not have to agree but can you let go of being right in that moment. Can you allow yourself and the other person to see things differently? If you do that you have found immediacy and compassion. The breath is literal. It is like hitting the pause button where you can choose to notice what you are feeling. This is what it means to give space and let it unfold and you will find insight instead of panic. Just by breathing and looking?? Well yes grasshopper.
When you take that breath you slow down and ask yourself what information am I missing. You can become patient and wait to hear the other side you don’t need to panic. You ask yourself to see wider in that moment instead of lashing out. Now you may still disagree with the person but you will not need to lash out in a fury. You move from event –feeling- reaction to event feeling – pause-explore-choose an action. Find out what the real story is as opposed to your current perception of it. You look rather than judge. Now you still may judge but at least you are aware of what you are doing. You do not have to completely identify with that energy. You are not 100% anger. You are you experiencing an energy surge. Learn how to ride the wave.