You do things you don’t want to do and you resent it.
There are two situations where this happens. Sometimes you have certain responsibilities for instance a job where you don’t have a choice. And other times it is when you feel pressured to say yes when you really mean no. with family or friends If it happens often enough you can build up resentments and feel as if you are taken advantage of and unappreciated
It feels like there is no choice but there is. It feels as if you are powerless which actually isn’t true at all. Let’s start by looking at the job issue to get some answers sometimes you have work responsibilities that you dislike or you are pressured into covering for someone. When you feel you have no control over an outcome you are less likely to seek a solution to the problem this can lead to helplessness and depression. You can choose not to work to your full potential. If this happens repetitively this is called is called learned helplessness. If people feel they have no control over future outcomes, they are less likely to seek solutions to their problems so whatever possibility you have of making changes is stopped.
This happens because you believe that everything happens to you. This is called an external locus of control. When you view life in this way you also believe that nothing you do matters. It is a belief not a fact. You can change your reality by asking yourself what is it that I can do. This is meeting challenges when you meet challenges with your energy and creativity you have a better chance of being an influencer. The opposite is shrugging your shoulders and saying “it is what is” and then feeling resentment. Granted it may not be all that you want to do but you need to put your hand in the game. This is self-efficacy.
An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.
When you have an internal focus you ask yourself how I fit into this picture. What part of this can I be responsible for? At times you will be in frustrating and disappointing circumstances but you will be less likely to doubt your abilities. It also helps you separate what battles are worth fighting and when you should let go because you will know your own worth. It is easier to cooperate with people when you feel and believe that you matter. Recognize that you cannot control the actions of other people, but you can control your own. By operating on an internal locus of control where you always put yourself in the big picture you recognize your own impact on the world. It is a paradigm shift where if you use it across your life you can see big changes.
Resentment happens when another person does not meet the expectations you have. The crux with regard to expectations is that they are mostly done silently. This means that you expect someone to behave in a certain way in a given situation without saying it. I had a client who felt over whelmed with all the expectations of her friends and family. She truly did not want to disappoint or let anyone down. She filled her schedule up with dozens of to dos and neglected herself. She would only turn to her friends and family when she felt exhausted. At that point she knew exactly what she wanted them to do but they came up short.
They did not put the extreme care that she put in with all her interactions and it hurt. There are three problems here exhaustion, taciturnity and generosity one thing many people do is they agree when they don’t mean it. And this is disingenuine on your part. What happens is you put too much on your plate to please, drive yourself into exhaustion and then harbor resentments towards the person who believes everything is fine. You need to rewind and ask yourself what am I capable of doing and willing to do? By the time you hit exhaustion you generally do not see things clearly things may seem larger than they actually are. I don’t mean you don’t have reasons for why you feel the way you do. What I mean is too many things have added up and it may look like a very negative picture.
When someone is being taciturn they are not saying what they are feeling. In this case there are unsaid expectations. It sounds like this “I helped you move three times and now when I am asking you for a small favor….” You know the rest. Most of our resentments are unvoiced expectations. If I do this naturally you will do this. When you expect something you may not have an agreement which will lead to disappointment.
Don’t give what you can’t let go of. When you give to someone don’t rehearse and count in your mind what you did. If it is stressful or makes you feel taken advantage of don’t do it if you find that you are doing Quid pro quo that means stop. Your friend has overdrawn on your account. Make it stop, only you can do this by understanding that you have limits to. NO is easier to hear than your sucking the life out of me! Take charge of your life and you will be happier.